At the age of 16, its my first Intercourse stories my friends Sasha, Jasmine, and I wagered on who would lose her virginity first. We were the final holdouts in our bigger circle of pals. Several of my acquaintances reported engaging in sexual activity since the age of 14, while Kelly boasted that she commenced even earlier. I harbored doubts regarding their credibility, nevertheless I contemplated their assertions extensively.
I primarily believed they were too immature to engage in sexual activity. It appears that only recently we were engaged in play with Barbie dolls, and now discussions have shifted to sexual activities and future desires. I frequently felt like a young girl trapped in an adult woman’s physique.
I was so preoccupied with the fact that I had engaged in sexual activity that I overlooked the indications of his genuine affection for me, such as his regular amiable calls.
During my upbringing, I had no desire to engage in sexual activity. Until the age of 15, I aspired to become a nun: revered and unattainable. I then began to inhabit a fantastical realm where I might be wed and have offspring while remaining a virgin. I was apprehensive about engaging in sexual intercourse. I received information from my acquaintances indicating that, “During the initial instances, it is painful and results in bleeding.”
I do not tolerate pain and blood together. I could not contemplate engaging in sexual activity without experiencing shame for deceiving my parents. If they discovered the truth, I surmised, they would vociferate and chastise me for being too young to engage in sexual activity; such behavior was deemed unacceptable by my family’s traditional values.
I overheard my mother remark that children are becoming increasingly unruly, sexually precocious, and intellectually deficient, especially those in my vicinity. Those were the types of children that my family and individuals I esteemed regarded with disdain. I did not wish to become that.
My apprehension extended beyond just sexual encounters. Serious partnerships intimidated me as I feared emotional pain. I recall distraught girls phoning my residence in tears following my brother’s breakups with them. He compelled me to answer their calls and place them on speakerphone; thereafter, he ridiculed them when they disconnected. I sought to avoid such humiliation.
My concern that the individual I admired would not like my friends, or that my friends would not favor him, deterred me from pursuing a relationship. The prospect of engaging in sexual relations with a man for whom I held deep affection intimidated me; I feared experiencing that exquisite sensation just to have it diminish as swiftly as it had ascended.
Nevertheless, I was the eldest among my peers, and their discussions about sexual experiences made me feel comparatively younger. I admonished myself, “If they are capable, why are you not?” However, I would then contemplate, “You are too youthful.” Do you not wish to postpone until marriage? It will be more romantic.
I would oscillate in my thoughts:
“Given the vast number of individuals in the world, do you genuinely believe you will remain with one man indefinitely?” Do you not wish to observe how other individuals are?
“This is the mechanism by which diseases propagate.”
“I am not unintelligent.”
“You are if you contemplate engaging in sexual activity merely to conclude it.”
Several months prior to the wager, my friends and I embraced a novel phrase—“It’s all for experience”—which I devised in pursuit of adventure in my life. I have heard many individuals assert that the most effective method of learning is through experience, a notion I endorse. Despite my apprehension toward sexual activity, I accepted the wager.
Engaging in sexual activity solely for the experience appeared more straightforward than pursuing a relationship to facilitate sex. I considered the possibility of separating myself from the emotional aspects of sex to avoid potential pain in the event of a breakup.
My curiosity intensified, however I had few opportunities for sexual encounters. The individuals in my vicinity? Absolutely not! They were pals of my brother and far older than I. My brother advised me to avoid them. I was indifferent to this, as these were the kind of individuals my mother regarded with disdain.
I attempted to avoid the few individuals I had crushes on due to my fear that they would not comprehend or like me. However, my friends were engaging in activities, and I felt excluded. Additionally, I was experiencing difficulties both academically and domestically. I experienced depression and yearned to alleviate that sensation. I believed that sexual intercourse could provide assistance.
During the Christmas vacation, a few weeks subsequent to the wager, I resolved to pursue a relationship with Ralph. I had known Ralph for two years. He was one year my junior and, according to his assertions and those of his peers, had engaged in sexual intercourse at the age of 14.
He had desired a connection with me since the previous year. I contemplated dating him due to his attractiveness and lack of promiscuity; nonetheless, he engaged in foolish behavior, such as standing on the fire escape, tearing up paper, and shouting “Parade!” I believed I ought to honor the individual I am with, although I also perceived him as the best I might attain.
I instructed Ralph to arrive at my residence at noon and contacted my friend Sasha, requesting her presence at precisely 1 p.m., providing me with an exit strategy should I choose not to proceed with sexual intercourse.
I instructed Ralph to bring the condom as a precaution. We commenced kissing, which was pleasant due to his flavor resembling that of Snickers. However, kissing was the extent of my experience with a male, and the prospect of transitioning directly from kissing to sexual intercourse seemed exceedingly odd. My mental state was unenthusiastic, thus affecting my physical condition.
I delayed as long as possible, but then the situation escalated—our trousers were removed and Mr. Wiggles required a covering. I contemplated, “When will he retrieve the condom, and when will Sasha arrive?” That was the moment I was rescued by the bell. Sasha rapped forcefully on my flat door, startling Ralph away from me.
I had profound relief. However, I had a modicum of disappointment due to having the opportunity and failing to seize it. Sasha and I feigned urgency to depart for a destination. I bid Ralph farewell with a kiss, and we all departed.
I felt foolish. As a child, I yearned for adulthood through sexual experiences. Furthermore, I deemed it unjust to use Ralph in that manner, despite his awareness of the wager and his assertion of consent.
Subsequently, we communicated via telephone three additional times, after which we ceased all contact. I no longer wished to see his face, since the lingering “almost-event” would perpetually occupy our thoughts. I wished to forget it due to feelings of foolishness. I resolved to proceed at a more measured pace thereafter.
However, one year later, at the age of 17, I received a second opportunity.
I encountered Chris in a hotel corridor in Georgia during a friend’s 21st birthday celebration. While escorting my buddy Kim to the elevator, she halted Chris in the corridor and exclaimed, “Hey!” “Isn’t she looking exquisite?”
“Boy?!” said Chris. “I am not a boy.”
Kim gazed at him and chuckled, “You comprehend my intent… son!”
Chris grinned and remarked, “Indeed, she appears adorable.” I flushed, and they commenced to tease me. Subsequently, Kim entered the elevator while Chris and I remained behind.
I perceived him as nice and attractive, had a gorgeous smile adorned with dimples, standing at 6 feet tall with a well-built physique. We conversed for about two hours in the hallway on a wide array of topics, including… sex. I explicitly informed him of my virginity and that I would engage in intimacy solely with someone I love. I may have exaggerated the facts.
He recounted his sexual encounters, including details that were unnecessary yet piqued my curiosity enough to inquire. He was three years my senior and was not a virgin.
I was reluctant to attract further attention, given the evident nature of his attempt to converse with me, hence I ultimately permitted him entry into my room. I anticipated a significant event was imminent. The subsequent events became indistinct. I could not comprehend why I failed to halt. However, I did not wish to cease, as my curiosity compelled me, leading me to contemplate, “It is all for the sake of experience.” He shut the door, increased the television volume significantly, and further events unfolded from that point.
Initially, it was delightful; we were merely engaged in kissing. The kissing was enjoyable, the touching was pleasant, sweet, and romantic; but, the initial intimate encounter was not. Excruciating? Absolutely!
We utilized a condom. I would not have proceeded had he not possessed one, since I was not inclined to risk contracting an STD or becoming pregnant. A multitude of events transpired simultaneously, eliciting a surge of emotions: “Oh my God, awaken me!” What is my purpose for being here? I am indeed executing it. I wish to contact my friend. Is this the expected sensation? I desire to return home. I desire his affection. I recognized my transformation, however failed to comprehend its nature.
Subsequently, he gazed at me and smiled. I desired to strike him in the face. I felt discontent over it. It seems like an erroneous decision. I convinced myself that everyone else on the floor was engaging in sexual activity, although this did not alleviate my discomfort. I perceived myself as an adult due to my sexual experience, although a foolish one. I felt foolish for being with someone who was essentially a stranger.
I contemplated whether the experience would have been identical had I been with someone familiar and cherished. I had not experienced any genuine passion. What was I planning to do upon my return home? Should I inform my mother? Could she ascertain merely by observing my visage? Should I disclose this information to Kim and Sasha or retain it privately?
What is occurring? “Speak to me,” he instructed.
I was unwilling to engage in conversation with him. I averted my gaze from him. I despised him. I rolled over and expressed my drowsiness. I feigned slumber, however my mind was preoccupied with the entire situation. I felt a want to weep. I believed I possessed greater self-respect than to engage in intimacy with an unfamiliar individual. Was he the promiscuous one or was it I?
Chris remained in my room until 5 a.m., as we were required to go by 7 a.m. for our flight home. I entered the shower, seeking to cleanse myself of the sensation of failure. He attempted to converse with me during the bus journey to the airport and on the aircraft, but I disregarded him and seated myself with others.
I had provided him with my number prior to our intimate encounter, and upon returning home, he contacted me incessantly. I initially perceived it as endearing when he called, but then concluded that he was merely being kind out of guilt, and I had no need for his pity.
I feared allowing myself to develop romantic feelings for him, as it would render me emotionally vulnerable. I did not believe that he truly had affection for me. Due to his age, I presumed he could attract any lady and would likely favor those of a similar age.
I remained profoundly unsettled by the recollections of my actions. I was concerned that he merely desired to repeat the action. I did not wish to perceive myself as being exploited for sexual purposes. I was so preoccupied with the fact that I had engaged in sexual activity that I overlooked the indications of his genuine affection for me, such as his regular amiable calls. I pondered, “Why does this individual persist in contacting me?”
Even my mother observed that I was not behaving like my usual self. I remained abnormally silent and continuously documented my thoughts in my journal, attempting to comprehend them, as I refrained from discussing the events with anyone.
I did not review my emails. I did not even view my preferred television program, The Simpsons. Mother would state, “Your program is airing.” Will you not be watching it? Will you not check your email? You have transformed since your return. I desired to disclose everything to my mother, although I was unable to do so, not at this moment. I required to organize matters first.
After five days, I resolved to visit Chris. My intention was to behave in a confrontational manner, prompting him to disengage. I wished to avoid the perpetual recollection of that evening.
However, upon encountering Chris, I was unable to meet his gaze. We traversed the boardwalk, and I remained silent throughout. Subsequently, we visited his acquaintances. I remained silent, however I chuckled at his friends’ humor. He was kind and courteous, engaging with me in a composed manner and expressing a want to learn about me. I recognized the potential for a genuine relationship, hence I resolved to meet him again.
Seventeen months later, Chris and I have become a couple. I am astonished that the first individual with whom I engaged in intimacy became my partner. I had always believed the sequence would be reversed: he would initially be my partner, followed by a subsequent passionate relationship.
Our relationship is complex, however. We have repeatedly ended and resumed our relationship. My emotions have fluctuated rapidly from August until the present. I experienced a complex array of emotions towards him, oscillating between hatred, affection, annoyance, and love. He asserts that my inconsistent demeanor is what disturbs him the most about me. I ponder whether circumstances would have been more favorable had we postponed engaging in sexual activity.
Having entered a relationship, I now comprehend the reasons behind my previous apprehension of relationships—the feelings can be rather overwhelming. When I love Chris, he’s the best person in the world. But when I feel neglected because he has things to do, I hate him. When I have things to do, I think he feels bad too, because he’ll say something stupid like, “I think this is a sign.” I dislike that, as it implies that neither of us is dedicated to the relationship.
However, we are addressing all of those matters. This relationship is work, but I also think you have to work hard for some of the best things in life, like good grades. I’ve had sex with Chris since the first time. I enjoy it more now because I have this feeling of love inside me, rather than confused feelings for someone I just met.
Read More Stories
Office sex stories
Leave a Reply